Today was a pretty normal day with no stand out experiences.  So in deciding what to write about I thought maybe sharing what a normal day for me is like might be interesting.  My kids (as those of you with kids have probably figured out) are not that different from normal kids in many ways.  They say and do silly things and try to get away with things that they know they should not.  They are smart and loving and beautiful.

But there are a few things that happen on an almost daily basis that are different.  I know I have mentioned that my girls have some challenges.  They both have been diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.  Vera was also born addicted to Methamphetamines.  As if that was not enough, they suffered neglect during their early childhood.  AJ was the most impacted by this as she was nearly 2 years old by the time she was removed from the neglectful home.

For those of you not familiar, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome can manifest itself with symptoms similar to both ADHD and Autism.  For AJ (6), her symptoms are very much in line with ADHD where she cannot focus or control her impulses without medication (at least at this point, we are hopeful this will improve with age and a structured home).  Vera has some challenges with being able to sit still, at 5 she still needs her “yi-yi” to calm herself when she is tired or upset and she is delayed in speech.

Mornings at our home are typically stressful.  AJ takes her medicine as soon as she wakes up, but it takes about 40 minutes to kick in.  During that time she lacks the focus to get herself dressed or eat breakfast without constant re-direction or being closed off from the other stimuli in the environment.  Many mornings I have to close her bedroom door to get her to focus on getting dressed.  She does not like to be closed off, but if the door remains open she will wander around interrupting conversations or finding non-related things to do.  She often will poke verbally at her sister which then upsets Vera.

It is not unusual for me to find her rolling around on the side of her bed or moving from one task to the next with no clear goal.  She is very loud and will run through the house making a high pitched “screaming” noise.

Eventually she calms down and once the medication is in her system she becomes another child.  She gets dressed, eats breakfast, brushes her hair, helps with lunch boxes and complies on the first request with most tasks.

Vera is much more calm in the morning, she quickly gets her morning tasks done and often is rewarded with being able to watch cartoons until AJ and I are ready to leave.

Vera does not like the word “No” and has no problem letting you know.  She has perfected the whine and has not let go of the art of the melt down (including the full body throw down and kicking feet).  I have spent years trying to figure out how to stop this reaction.  Progress has been made, but I have not been able to eliminate it.  I spent years ignoring the meltdowns and have decided that tactic is not going to work for her.  So now they result in consequences.  If we are at home, she is sent to her room until she calms down and can communicate in an acceptable tone.  When we are out of the house, I find a timeout spot or take away privileges (tv watching, toys, etc),

I constantly look for new and creative ways to address these issues.  Some work, but many do not.  It is a puzzle to be worked on until I find the right pieces.  The girls have come a long way and things improve each year with love, structure and creativity.  We are blessed to have an amazing therapist, great doctors, and wonderful teachers (not to mention wonderful family and friends).  Without all of these people in our lives we would not have come this far.

So for those of you who are reading this that play an important role in our lives, thank you from all of us.

I think that aliens may have abducted AJ and left a new and improved version of her behind.  Or maybe she is just growing up.  Either way I love the version that showed up at my house this evening.  The girls were eating dinner.  As is typical on the “pick what you want for dinner” nights AJ had heated up some baked beans and a corn dog for dinner.  I was folding the laundry and doing other chores in the dining room.  Suddenly AJ looks up from her plate and sees the container with baked beans sitting on the table where she left it.  She gets up, picks up the container and puts it back in the fridge.  She walks back over to her seat, sees the bottle of ketchup that she had used, closed the top and put it back in the fridge.  I stare at her in shock and she asks me what I am doing.  I told her how impressed I was that she saw the things that needed to be done and just did them.

She then realizes that I forgot to get the girls milk so she gets Vera’s favorite cup and pours her sister a cup of milk, then pours one for herself.  She looks at the dogs, realizes that they need to be fed and proceeds to feed both of the dogs.  I could not contain my excitement and pride at her initiative to do things that need to be done.

I made sure I let her know how proud I am of her.  I hope the aliens leave the new improved version.

The girls had a rough night last night and kept taking turns getting up and wanting to be tucked back in.  It was AJ’s turn.  I tucked her in and a few minutes later noticed the bathroom light come on.  I didn’t think much of It, assuming that she was going to the bathroom.  A little bit later she was back in my room again.  I sent her back to her bed.  She said “but it is wet”.  I asked her how it got wet and she told me that she got water and spilled it.  By this point I was up and in her room.  The light was still off, but even in the dark I knew something was not right.  So I asked her again what made her bed wet.  She confirmed that it was water.  So I turned on the light.  The wet spots clearly were “chunky”.  There were piles of something in the wet spots.  My first thought was that she had thrown up.  But I was sure that if that had been the case she would have told me.  I asked AJ why the water was chunky.  She then admitted that she had taken the left over milk shake from earlier in the day out of the freezer and was drinking it.  So the chunky water was in fact strawberry milkshake.   I have to say that of all the possibilities running through my head, milkshake was a much more pleasant reality.

We went on the first family camping trip this weekend.  I was a bit nervous about how this would go.  Knowing that my two girls are polar opposites.  AJ is a very girly girl who will only wear dresses or skirts and prefers to be inside.  Vera is a complete tomboy who refuses to wear dresses and would stay outside all the time if I let her.

So my expectation was that Vera would be the easy one and AJ would want to go home and get out of the “heat”.  The weekend actually went well overall, and AJ really enjoyed herself.  She did not complain about the heat (not that it got that hot but that doesn’t usually stop her) and was a great sport about all of the hiking we did.

The fact that the camp site had sand was a part of the reason it went so well I think.  AJ has OCD and one of her obsessions is playing with sand.  She can (and did) spend hours digging in the sand.  The mornings were a bit challenging for her (as they typically are until her medication kicks in) but once we got past that point she was great.

Vera showed her whining, stubborn side (she shows this side often).  She did well a lot of the time, but she struggled to follow directions and communicate appropriately.  Since we were out of our typical routine and she did not get her usual 10 hours of sleep, it is not surprising.  Hopefully the next time she will do better, but she had fun which is the most important thing.

It was a great weekend and a wonderful experience.  Both girls really enjoyed themselves and want to go again.  Hopefully the next trip will go as well and keeps the girls engaged.  The trick will be to figure out how to ease Vera’s challenges so that everyone can enjoy themselves even more.

The discovery of the tape on the creamer came last night when we got home from gymnastics.  AJ (my 6 year old) has poured herself a cup of milk.  She is now in the refrigerator and I am waiting to see what will happen.  She walks over to me and says “Mommy, why is there tape on the creamer?”  I take my opportunity and ask her “Why do you know that there is tape on the creamer?”  She looks a little shocked and quietly says “Because I have been drinking it.”

I get the creamer from the fridge and show her how much of the creamer is gone.  After a some discussion about how quickly the creamer has been used she acknowledges that she has been drinking a lot of it.  I told her she was not allowed to drink the creamer.  She was so disappointed and kept insisting that she really liked it.

So now, I am trying to figure out a good compromise.  Clearly, it is not healthy for her to drink cups of coffee creamer (plus who can afford that).  But I am sad that she really wants some and I have told her “no”.  So I have had a couple of suggestions, both of which seem reasonable.

Allow her to have one of the small cups of creamer a day to add to her milk so she can get the sweet flavor, but it is controlled.  Or to get her the vanilla Silk so that her milk is sweeter tasting but still healthy.

Please feel free to share any other suggestions you may have on what a reasonable compromise might be for her.

So I guess the first story I will disappoint certain people if I don’t share is my discovery last night (Monday) that my older girl has apparently decided that coffee creamer is really just very sweet milk.  Having told me in the past that it tastes good and that she likes to add it to her milk, she has recently decided to take it a step further.  I realized while putting things in the refrigerator last night that more than half of the large bottle of coffee creamer that I purchased on Saturday was gone.  I had noticed that my creamer seemed to be running out a little faster than it used to, but this was clearly more than I could have used in my coffee for the last two mornings and more than a little being added to her milk (which I have advised in the past is not ok).

So I decided not to say anything and instead tape the bottle shut and see what happens.  So far she has either not discovered the change or has not said anything.  I will be sure to update everyone on what happens once she tries to pour herself a cup of creamer again.

So I have finally decided to do this after much prodding from my co-workers who have to listen to all of my stories.  I think they may be pushing me to do it so they don’t have to listen to them all of the time.

My goal with this site is to both entertain and hopefully help others who are facing challenges that are similar to mine.

A few years ago I adopted my two wonderful girls.  They are true blessings in my life and give me as much or more than I give to them.  Unfortunately, their lives did not start out the way a child’s should and as a result they are faced with daily challenges.  I have learned on my path so far that there are many children who face many different challenges and they vary in severity.  We are blessed, that while they do have special needs, they are not as severe as they could have been.

As I write my experiences I understand and respect the fact that I am blessed that they are not impacted worse.  I know that other children and parents face much worse challenges.  My heart goes out to them.

My approach to parenting my girls is to recognize that things may be harder for them than for others but that as a result I expect them to work harder to be the best they can be.  I don’t intend to expect more of them than they are capable of accomplishing, but I also don’t let their challenges be an excuse for not trying.  I have found that my best intentions are not always how I behave, and sometimes I am the problem and not the solution.  I strive to learn from my mistakes and do better the next time.  Thankfully, they are patient with me and accept apologies when I get it wrong.

I will be sharing funny stories of the things that they do, which are plentiful as I expect is the case for most kids.  They are both smart and creative children who challenge me to find creative ways to deal with the things that they do.  I will share the solutions that I have tried, what has worked and what didn’t.  I hope these solutions will work for others.