I think my children teach me at least as much as I teach them (if not more).  I have learned to be much more patient (still have a ways to go here, but I am a work in progress).  I have also learned that my kids are not the only one that don’t “make wise choices” sometimes.  I was one of the two guilty parties last weekend. 

I LOVE candles.  I have a ridiculous number of them that for the most part have been packed away in a box since I got the girls.  Recently I decided to burn one.  It is in the kitchen, on the counter almost all the way to the back.  Since the girls are now 5 and 6 I thought that it would be safe to burn it.  My error came in forgetting that AJ often struggles with impulse control.  I should have guessed that it was going to be a problem since she seemed fascinated with stretching far enough back to put her hand over it to feel the heat.  I reminded her that it could burn her and watched her long enough to see that she was responding to the warmth and not letting her hand get to close.

AJ was the other one to make a poor choice on Sunday.  I was sitting in the living room and was in a position where I could see in a little bit of the kitchen.  The candle was near the doorway where I could see.  All of the sudden I hear AJ calling my name in a panicked voice.  It is one of those moments when you know by the tone coming from your child that something is really wrong.  I look over to see AJ holding a burning piece of paper.  I jump up as fast as I can and tell her to drop it.  I am not sure what will happen but I know that she will get burned if she doesn’t get it out of her hands.  It fell on the floor and continued to burn.  At this point AJ is completely in shock and quite freaked out. 

I run into the kitchen and find something (I don’t recall what, I  just remember that I couldn’t find anything I thought was a good idea so I just started hitting it with something).  By now Vera has joined us in the kitchen and is standing back watching.  I managed to get the fire out before it catches anything else on fire.  Once I know that it is out, I check with AJ to make sure she it ok.  She said she was fine, which I interpreted as physically fine.  She still looked a bit dazed.  I gave her a big hug and told her it was ok, then took the opportunity to talk about why we don’t play with fire (in a very calm tone – this is when my newly developed patience is a great help). 

AJ enjoys science, I think she now has completed a unintentional experiment from which she learned a life time lesson.  I am pretty sure (impulse control challenges or not) she won’t be putting paper near a fire again any time soon. 

Thankfully, the porcelain tile on my kitchen floor appears to be fire resistant.  Not something I was looking to test out, but I guess it’s a good thing to know. 

So today was the first official day of the girl’s spring break.  We are planning a camping trip for the next few days and today was the shopping day to get all the stuff we needed for the trip (plus the shoes to go with their Easter dresses).  So I knew it was going to be a long day with little fun for the girls.  It started out well, but by the time we are in the last store, Vera was fussy and cranky.  I knew this was the longest of the shopping trips so was prepared for it to be rough. 

We were in the camping section, buying some new supplies when Vera, who had been walking, finally ran my patience out.  I picked her up off the floor (where she was pitching a fit) and placed her in the seat of the basket.  She calmed down a little but was still grumpy.  We walked to the next isle and she saw a picture on one of the camping supplies of a man with mud all over his face. 

The next thing I knew her mood had completely changed.  She wasn’t whining, or being cranky.  Her whole demeanor had changed.  I looked at her and asked her what had changed.  She said that it was the man with the mud on his face.  He had made her laugh.  So I asked her if that was the key to turning around her mood, making her laugh.  She said yes a made a funny face.

Later in the store when she started to get cranky again, I made a funny face at her and asked if that fixed her mood.  She smiled and her mood was better again.

Note to self…when Vera is whiny or cranky, bring out the funny faces (or rub mud all over it).  Hmm, think I will stick with the first one unless I am desperate.

As a parent I believe in allowing consequences to teach my children when they make bad choices.  Of course, I would stop the action if I believed the consequences would cause them any harm.  I feel that the best lessons are learned by our mistakes and the results.

Today AJ had to face consequences.  As is typical of the mornings, she wasted her time and didn’t focus on getting ready.  By the time she started getting dressed, she only had 5 minutes.  She managed to get her clothes on and was putting on her shoes when I told her to get in the car.  She pulled them on and waited until she was in the car to tie them.

Once we were in the car and on the way to school, AJ realizes that she is wearing the wrong shoes.  The girls attend a private school so have a very strict dress code.  On PE day’s they are allowed to wear whatever tennis shoes they chose but during the other days they are required to wear either navy blue or black dress shoes.  This was not her PE day, but she had chosen the hot pink tennis shoes.  Her correct shoes were still at home and there were no other shoes in the car.

AJ asked me to go home to get them.  We had left the house later than we should have as it was and I had an appointment that I would have been late for if I had gone home.  But even if those two facts had not been the case, my choice would have been the same.  It was too late.

I let her know that I was not going to go back to the house.  She asked me “why” and I explained that she picked the wrong shoes because she had waited until the last minute to get dressed  Since she was rushing she made the mistake.  If she had started getting dressed earlier, she would have had more time to think about what she was doing and would have realized before we left.  She was going to have to face the consequences of being out of uniform at school.

AJ was not happy with me and kept insisting that we return home, she began crying.  When we were almost at school, I asked AJ what she thought was the worst thing would happen since she was wearing the wrong shoes.  We talked about the fact that she might be in trouble at school and what that would be like.  I assured her that if she was in trouble at school for being in the wrong shoes that she would not be in trouble again with me at home this afternoon.  That the consequences that she had from me was to face the consequences at school.

I dropped them off at school, thinking that she would try to keep her teachers from seeing the wrong shoes in the hopes that she would not be in trouble.  She made a very different choice.  Instead of trying to hide her shoes, she walked to the outside of the door into the cafeteria (where the kids meet before school starts) and proceeds to cry.  As I drive away (feeling a bit like a mean mom) one of her teachers is over talking to her.

When I picked her up after school I asked if she had gotten in trouble over having on the wrong shoes.  She said no, and there were no notes from the teacher about the shoes.

Apparently, her choice to cry over the shoes won her the sympathy vote.  I only hope that the time she spent worrying about the consequences at school will be enough to prevent her from repeating the mistake.

One of the most amazing things I think there is about raising kids is watching them learn things.  I was always interested in those TV shows where an alien came to earth in human form. It was fascinating to watch them discover all of the things that exist that we take for granted.  Watching my kids learn about things is just as fascinating to me.  They are like those aliens that don’t know about anything and have to learn it all.

One of the most challenging concepts to both of them at this point is the difference between all of the various coins.  So they call them all pennies. 

The other day we had one of our typical sister arguments which started with Vera picking up a “penny” from the floor.  I was in another room and did not witness the event.  AJ (who typical reacts very emotionally to everything and can’t start with a calm request) immediately yells “Mommy, Vera took my penny”.  I tell Vera to return the penny.  I am getting ready for work so can’t moderate the issue at that point.  AJ tells me that she didn’t give it back and I tell her to get ready for school and I will work it out when I am done.  Surprisingly she does this with very little argument.

AJ reminds be about the penny a little while later, knowing that they struggle with types of coins and names I ask AJ if it was a penny or not.  She isn’t sure so I ask her to show me a coin like it.  She brings me a quarter.  Now I am not sure if that is because it was really a quarter or because she knows that the quarter is worth the most.  So I ask again and this time she tells me it was really a penny.

I ask Vera about it and she says that the penny was on her floor not AJ’s. I confront them both since one of them has to be telling a fib because the penny could not have been in both floors.

(The house rules are that you are not allowed to blame others.  If I asked who did something and it wasn’t you, I expect you to remain silent.  I should only get a response from the child who did it.  I got very tired of the blame game where they both consistently insisted that the other child did whatever was being addressed.)

As they both start saying “not me” or “it was —–” I remind them of the rule and let them know that I will get the penny out of Vera’s room and keep it if the person who is telling the fib doesn’t admit to it.  It only take a couple of beats before Vera says “It’s me.  It was in AJ’s floor.”  This was a very proud moment as I felt victory that hopefully these are life lessons and as they grow older they will remember that they shouldn’t blame others and should admit when they have made a mistake or done something wrong.

Now, the question comes back to exactly what kind of coin it was that was taken.  So I get one of each type from my wallet and lay them on the kitchen table.  I ask Vera to tell me which one she took and she points to the Quarter!  AJ was right the first time.

I retrieve the quarter from Vera’s room and return it to AJ.  Problem solved, at least for the moment.